Dixiana is a messy, loud time capsule that you probably only need to watch once

You should watch this today if you are a die-hard fan of early sound cinema or if you collect tap dancing footage.

Everyone else will probably find it a bit of a chore to get through because the plot moves like molasses.

It is basically a fancy stage play that someone decided to film without changing anything.

The story is about Dixiana, played by Bebe Daniels, who works in a circus but falls for a rich guy named Carl.

Carl’s mother is one of those classic movie snobs who hates anyone that works for a living.

The whole thing is set in New Orleans during Mardi Gras, but it feels like it was filmed on about three small rooms and a very crowded hallway.

There is a lot of singing. A lot of it.

Bebe Daniels has a fine voice, but the songs are the kind that sort of evaporate out of your brain the second they end.

The real reason anyone talks about this movie now is Bill Robinson.

He shows up as a servant and does his famous stair dance.

Honestly, the movie feels like it stops breathing just so he can show everyone how it is done.

It is the only part of the film that feels alive and modern even though it was filmed almost a hundred years ago.

Then we have Wheeler and Woolsey.

They were a big comedy duo back then, but their humor is... specific.

They do this bit with cigars and constant puns that feels like it belongs in a different movie entirely.

One of them is always wearing these big round glasses and looking surprised at everything.

They have this scene in a kitchen that goes on for way too long.

It is meant to be funny, but I mostly just found myself looking at the background props.

The villain, Royal Garrick, has this mustache that is so thin it looks like a mistake.

He tries to be menacing, but he mostly just looks like he is pouting because he didn't get enough dessert.

There is a duel at the end that is supposedly very tense.

But the way they stand there waiting for the pistols to fire makes it look like they are posing for a slow-motion painting. 🎨

The movie switches to Technicolor for the last few minutes.

It is a bit jarring because the colors are so bright and fuzzy compared to the rest of the film.

It is like the movie suddenly woke up and realized it needed to be a spectacle.

I found myself thinking about The Hope Chest while watching this, mostly because that film handled its simple story with a bit more grace.

Dixiana doesn't really have grace. It has volume.

The costumes are huge and look very heavy.

You can see the actors struggling to move naturally under all that fabric.

There is a moment where a group of people are supposed to be cheering, but they look like they were told to cheer at gunpoint.

The extras in the back are barely moving.

It’s a strange experience watching something this old where you can see the edges of the production fraying.

I did like the way the light hit the sets in the black and white parts, though.

It has that silvery look that modern movies just can't quite copy.

But then someone starts singing again and the spell is broken.

If you like 1930s kitsch, you will have a good time laughing at the melodrama.

If you want a coherent story, you might end up checking your phone every ten minutes.

The ending is very abrupt.

Everyone is happy, the colors are bright, and then it just... stops.

I guess they ran out of film or money. 🤷‍♂️

It’s not a bad movie, just a very dusty one.

Watch the Bill Robinson clip on YouTube if you’re busy.

Otherwise, grab some popcorn and prepare for a lot of puns about cigars.