Espionage: A Train Ride That Sometimes Forgets to Move

Is this worth your time?

If you enjoy black-and-white train movies with reporters shouting into telephones, you’ll probably have a decent enough time with Espionage. If you get annoyed by plots that shift gears every ten minutes without telling you why, you should probably skip this one. It’s light, it’s breezy, and it feels like it was put together on a rainy Tuesday.

The whole thing hinges on this fake honeymoon premise. You’ve got rival reporters stuck in a small compartment, which is a trope older than the train tracks themselves. It works, mostly because the cast seems to be having a good time even when the dialogue hits a wall.

Oddly specific observations

• The train set feels like it’s made of cardboard and hope. There’s a scene where the shaking is so aggressive you’d think the locomotive hit a brick wall, but nobody spills their drink.
• I spent way too long staring at the background extras in the dining car. Half of them are just eating the same bite of toast for three full minutes.
• The lighting in the cabin scenes is weirdly moody. It makes the whole thing feel like a noir film that realized halfway through it was supposed to be a comedy.

There is this one moment where a character tries to hide a microfilm in a hat. It lingers for about fifteen seconds too long. You can practically see the actor waiting for the director to yell cut. It’s funny, but probably not in the way they intended.

If you've seen Blackmail, you know how good a thriller on a train can be. This doesn't hit those highs. It doesn't even try to. It’s much more interested in the back-and-forth between the leads than the actual spy stuff.

The pacing is a mess. One minute they’re in a high-stakes standoff, the next they’re joking about room service. It’s erratic, honestly. 🚂

I found myself zoning out during the scenes involving the munitions magnate. He’s just so... dull. He talks a lot, but he’s basically just a prop for the reporters to chase around. It makes the stakes feel lower than they probably should be.

There's a scene near the end involving a suitcase that is just pure nonsense. I’m not even sure what happened, but I didn't care enough to rewind. It’s that kind of movie.

It’s not a masterpiece. It’s not even a particularly good mystery. But it’s got enough charm to keep you from turning it off if you’re doing chores or just want something playing in the background. Sometimes that’s enough. 🥂