Figures Do Lie (1924) Review - A silly, short silent comedy

You should definitely watch this if you have about fifteen minutes to kill and you like seeing how people used to actually dress at the beach a hundred years ago. It’s a fun little time capsule. People who need a plot that makes total sense will probably hate it, though.

First off, the characters are named Etta and Hamond Egg. Ham and Egg. I see what they did there. It’s the kind of dumb joke that makes me like a movie immediately.

Hamond is one of those 'man about town' types. In 1924, that mostly meant he wore a nice hat and looked at things he wasn't supposed to. He gets a job judging a bathing beauty contest, which is basically asking for trouble.

Etta isn't just going to sit at home, though. She’s been reading a book on how to be a female detective. I love this specific detail. It’s so oddly specific and makes the whole thing feel like a weird precursor to a Nancy Drew vibe, but with more tripping over things.

She puts on a disguise to enter the contest herself. The disguise is basically just a different outfit, but in silent movie logic, she might as well be invisible. Nobody recognizes her. Not even her own husband.

Violet Palmer plays Etta and she’s got these great wide eyes. She does this thing where she looks at the camera like she’s the only sane person in the room. It reminds me a bit of the energy in Dumb Luck, just that classic 'everything is going wrong' feeling.

The beauty contest itself is hilarious. The swimsuits look like they are made of heavy wool. I honestly don't know how these women didn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean immediately.

There is a guy in the background of one shot who just looks totally lost. He’s staring off into space while everyone else is doing slapstick. I wonder if he was even supposed to be in the movie.

Then there’s Frank "Fatty" Alexander. He’s huge. He’s the kind of comedian they just don't have anymore. He moves surprisingly fast for his size.

I read somewhere he ended up in a series called 'Ton of Fun' later on. You can see why. He has this presence that just takes up the whole screen.

The pacing is a bit weird. It feels like they shot a bunch of stuff and then just crammed it all together at the end. It’s a Bray Studios production, so it has that slightly frantic, nervous energy.

It’s not quite as weird as something like Teddy's Goat, but it’s close. There’s a certain level of chaos that only these old silent shorts can pull off.

I think the film quality I saw was a bit grainy, but it kind of added to the charm. You can see the dust on the lens in a few frames. It makes it feel real.

The way Etta tries to 'detect' things is mostly just her pointing at people and looking suspicious. It’s not exactly Sherlock Holmes. But it’s funny.

There’s a moment where a group of people all fall down at once. It’s clearly rehearsed, but it’s still satisfying. Like watching a bunch of bowling pins go down.

I wish there was more of Hamond Egg being a 'man about town' before the contest. He seems like he has some stories to tell. Jack Cooper plays him with this smug little grin that is just perfect.

If you’re looking for a deep message, you aren't going to find it here. Figures Do Lie is just about a guy getting caught looking at girls in wool swimsuits. 🏊‍♂️

It’s a nice break from movies that try too hard to be important. Sometimes you just want to see a woman in a fake mustache try to spy on her husband.

The ending is pretty abrupt. It just... stops. But I guess that’s how they did it back then. No need for a twenty-minute epilogue.

Check it out if you can find a decent print. It’s a solid little slice of comedy history. 📽️