Gold Dust Gertie is loud, messy, and actually pretty fun

If you're looking for something deep to watch tonight, Gold Dust Gertie is definitely not it. But if you want to see what happens when early sound cinema tries to capture the energy of a loud, messy vaudeville show, this is a great pick. 🎞️

It’s a 1931 movie, so the sound is a bit crunchy and people tend to stand very still while they talk into hidden microphones. But Winnie Lightner doesn't stand still for a second. She plays Gertie, a woman who is basically a professional ex-wife.

She needs money. Her ex-husbands, played by Ole Olsen and Chic Johnson, are hiding from her because they haven't paid her a dime. They are now selling bathing suits, which is an excuse for the movie to show a lot of 1930s beach fashion that looks incredibly uncomfortable.

Is it worth watching today? Honestly, yeah, if you like Pre-Code comedies that feel like they were written on a napkin during a lunch break. It’s fast, it’s only about an hour long, and it doesn't try to be anything other than a headache-inducing farce. People who hate loud, screechy acting will probably want to turn it off after five minutes though. 🙉

The Winnie Lightner Factor

Winnie Lightner was a huge star for a minute there, and you can see why, even if her style is totally exhausting. She doesn't just deliver lines; she launches them at the other actors like she’s trying to win a fight.

There is a scene where she’s trying to charm her way into a hotel room that feels like it was improvised on the spot. It’s not exactly good acting, but you can't look away. It reminds me a bit of the frantic energy in The Old Hokum Bucket, where the plot is just a suggestion for the actors to be weird.

She has this way of looking at the camera that makes you feel like she’s in on the joke. It’s a bit much at times. Actually, it’s a bit much all the time. But that’s the charm, I guess?

Olsen and Johnson before they were famous

Most people know Olsen and Johnson from Hellzapoppin', but here they are much younger and slightly less insane. They play George and Knute. They are trying to sell "the perfect swimsuit" while keeping their new wives from finding out about Gertie.

The wives are played by Vivien Oakland and Dorothy Christy, who are twins in the movie. This leads to a lot of "I thought you were her" jokes that weren't even fresh in 1931. It feels a bit like the recycled gags you’d find in What Every Woman Wants, but with more shouting.

There’s a bit on a boat later in the movie that is just pure chaos. People are running in and out of cabins, falling over things, and hiding under beds. It’s the kind of stuff that works better if you’ve had a drink or two while watching. 🥂

One thing I noticed—the movie has this weirdly empty background noise. Since it was early sound, they didn't really have ambient tracks yet. So when people stop talking, it’s just dead silent. It makes the funny moments feel a little awkward, like the movie is waiting for you to laugh before it continues.

Specific Weird Stuff I Liked

• The swimsuits look like they are made of heavy wool. How did anyone swim in those without drowning? 🏊‍♂️
• There is a guy who plays a sea captain who seems like he’s in a completely different, much more serious movie. It's hilarious.
• The way Gertie says the word "Alimony" sounds like a threat every single time.
• The editing in the final ten minutes is so fast I actually got a bit dizzy. It’s like they realized they only had five minutes of film left and had to finish the whole story.

It’s definitely a product of its time. If you’ve seen The Way of All Fish, you know that early 30s humor can be an acquired taste. It’s not as polished as something like Blindfold, but it has more heart in its own messy way.

The plot about the twins gets really confusing toward the end. I’m pretty sure the writers forgot which twin was which at some point. Not that it matters. You aren't watching this for the deep lore of swimsuit salesmanship.

I did find myself wondering how they filmed some of the water scenes. There’s a bit where a boat is rocking and it looks like they just had four guys off-camera shaking the set as hard as they could. You can actually see the walls of the "cabin" wobbling. 🏗️

"I don't want your heart, I want your checkbook!"

That line pretty much sums up the whole movie. It’s cynical, it’s fast, and it’s kind of mean-spirited in a way that’s refreshing compared to the sugary stuff that came later once the censors got stricter. It’s a Pre-Code gem, even if it’s a bit of a rough one.

Don't expect a masterpiece. Expect a lot of screaming, some very high-waisted pants, and a plot that resolves itself because everyone just gets tired of running around. It’s a good time-waster if you’re into film history or just want to see how loud 1931 could get. 📣

I’ll probably forget most of the details by next week, but I’ll remember Winnie Lightner’s face when she realizes she’s been tricked. That woman could act with just her eyebrows if she had to.