I sat through Hearts and Hoofs (1930) and the horse was better than the guy

Is this one worth your time?

Honestly, you should only watch Hearts and Hoofs if you have a deep, weird love for 1930s archives or if you really like horses. If you want a fast-paced thriller, you are going to be very bored here.

Horse people will probably enjoy the way the animals are filmed. Everyone else might find the crackly audio and the slow acting a bit of a chore.

It is a strange little movie. I found myself staring at the background more than the actors sometimes.

The plot is basically about a girl, a guy, and a very important horse. It is not exactly The Godfather, you know? 🐎

Cornelius Keefe plays the lead and he has this very stiff way of standing. He looks like he is wearing a suit that is two sizes too small for his shoulders.

I kept waiting for him to sit down just to see if the buttons would pop. He does his best, but the script doesn't give him much to work with besides looking concerned.

Then there is Mona Rico. She is much more interesting to watch, even when she is just standing there.

She has this spark in her eyes that makes you think she knows a secret that the rest of the cast hasn't figured out yet. I wish she had more lines, or maybe just better ones.

The writing by Arch Heath and Walter Brooks feels a bit like they were making it up as they went along. Some scenes just sort of... end.

You’ll be watching a conversation and then suddenly the screen cuts to a horse eating grass for thirty seconds. It’s very jarring but also kind of funny if you’re in the right mood.

I noticed a scene where a character is supposed to be crying, but it looks more like they have something in their eye. The lighting is so harsh that everyone looks like they haven't slept in a week.

It reminded me a bit of the vibe in The Broadway Bubble, but with less glitter and more dirt. 🌵

Let's talk about the horse for a second. That horse is a pro.

There is a moment where the horse looks directly at the camera and I swear it was judging the director. It has better comedic timing than Fred Warren.

Speaking of Fred, he spends a lot of time looking confused. I think his character was supposed to be the comic relief, but the jokes are so old they have whiskers.

I laughed once, but I think it was because a hat fell off unexpectedly. It wasn't even a written joke.

The sound quality is pretty rough in the version I saw. There is a constant hissing noise that sounds like someone is frying bacon in the next room.

You get used to it after ten minutes, but it makes the emotional scenes feel a bit silly. Imagine a heartfelt confession of love accompanied by the sound of a leaky steam pipe.

It's not quite as weird as It's a Bird, but it’s definitely got that early-talkie clunkiness. People stop talking and wait for the other person to finish thinking before they respond.

It makes the pacing feel like a snail on a leisurely stroll. 🐌

I did like the outdoor shots, though. There is something about old black and white film that makes a dusty field look almost magical.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of Hearts and Hoofs (1930) through its definitive frames.

You can almost smell the hay and the old leather. It feels real in a way modern movies sometimes don't, probably because they were actually filming in the dirt.

There is a scene with George Regas where he looks incredibly menacing for no reason. He just has one of those faces that makes you think he’s up to no good.

But then he just walks away and nothing happens. It was a weird choice, or maybe they just lost the footage of what happened next.

That happens a lot in these old movies. Parts of the story just go missing and you have to fill in the blanks yourself.

It's like reading a book with every fifth page ripped out. 📖

I found myself thinking about She's a Prince while watching this, mostly because the romance here feels just as rushed. One minute they are strangers, the next they are ready to die for each other.

I guess people in 1930 didn't have time for long courtships. They just saw a nice hat and decided to get married.

The ending of Hearts and Hoofs is exactly what you think it is. I won't spoil it, but let's just say the horse is involved.

It is sweet, in a sugary, old-fashioned kind of way. It made me smile, even if I was rolling my eyes at the same time.

Is it a masterpiece? No way. Not even close.

But there is something human about it. You can tell they were trying to figure out how to make a "talkie" work while also dealing with animals that didn't want to follow directions.

There is a moment where a dog runs across the background and you can tell it wasn't supposed to be there. Nobody stops the scene, they just keep going.

I love stuff like that. It reminds you that movies are made by people, not just machines.

If you have an afternoon to kill and you want to see what a B-movie looked like 90 years ago, give it a shot. Just don't expect it to change your life.

It’s a bit like finding an old postcard in a thrift store. It’s a tiny window into a world that doesn't exist anymore, even if the picture is a bit blurry.

Also, if you like this, you might want to check out The Ragged Princess for more of that vintage drama feel. It’s got a similar kind of earnestness.

Overall—wait, I shouldn't say overall. Let's just say it was an okay time.

The horse deserves an award. Cornelius Keefe deserves a bigger suit.

And I deserve a snack for sitting through the whole thing without checking my phone. 🍿

The film ends with a shot that lingers just a bit too long on a fence. I think the camera operator might have fallen asleep.

Or maybe they just really liked that fence. It was a pretty nice fence, I guess.

Anyway, that's Hearts and Hoofs for you. A movie with a lot of heart, and even more hoofs.