Kaiserwalzer: A bit of old-world fluff

Is it worth your time?

Honestly, only if you have a soft spot for 1930s European fluff that moves at the speed of a dying snail. If you enjoy period dramas where everyone is obsessed with their social standing and who is dancing with who, you might get a kick out of this. If you are looking for actual tension or, heaven forbid, a plot that doesn't feel like it was written on a cocktail napkin, stay far away.

It’s all about an aristocrat and his son fighting over the same girl. It’s supposed to be funny, I think. Most of the time, it just feels like watching two guys trip over their own fancy trousers.

Small observations from the back row

The sets are trying so hard to look expensive. You can practically see the glue holding the velvet curtains together in some shots. There is this one scene where they are waltzing, and the background extras look like they are just waiting for the craft services table to open. It is genuinely distracting.

I found myself thinking about Cavalcade while watching this, mainly because both movies seem obsessed with the 'good old days.' But where that movie had some actual weight, this one just wants to spin around in circles until you get dizzy.

The dialogue is… well, it is what it is. Very formal. Very polite. Very boring. Nobody talks like this, not even people who think they are better than everyone else. I am fairly sure the actors were just as tired of the lines as I was by the time they reached the third act.

The weird part? There is a moment where the father just stands there looking at a painting. It lasts for way too long. Maybe the camera operator fell asleep? I started counting the tassels on the curtains just to pass the time.

Final thoughts, for what they are worth

It’s a relic. A perfectly fine, dusty, unchallenging relic. Sometimes you want a movie that doesn't ask you to think, and this hits that mark perfectly. It just happens to be a bit too proud of itself for being so light.

Don't expect to remember much of it by tomorrow morning. I think I already forgot the names of the main characters, and I watched it an hour ago. ☕️