Trying to find love in Les conquêtes de César

Is this even for you?

If you have a weird itch for black-and-white comedies from a bygone era, maybe. If you need pacing that doesn't feel like it’s taking a nap every ten minutes, stay away.

Honestly, watching Les conquêtes de César is a bit like listening to a grandparent tell the same story about their youth. It’s sweet in parts, but you keep checking your watch.

The Bachelor Blues

César is the guy everyone loves to pick on. He’s “advanced” in age—which is a polite way of saying he’s just old—and the neighborhood is relentless about it.

I felt for the guy, mostly because the acting is so theatrical it’s almost dizzying. Every gesture is huge. Every sigh is meant to be heard in the back row of a theater. It’s a lot.

There’s this one scene where he’s trying to be charming, and he just looks like he’s having a minor medical episode. I wasn't sure if I should laugh or call a doctor.

Old School Vibes

If you liked the vibe in Solomon in Society, you’ll recognize the rhythm here. It’s all about the social pressure. The way people talk to each other is so formal it borders on robotic, but that’s the charm, right?

Wait, did I say charm? Maybe I meant exhaustion. 😅

• The neighborhood gossips are the real stars here, honestly.
• The lighting makes everyone look like they’re perpetually standing in a dusty attic.
• Some of the dialogue is so fast I had to rewind just to see if I missed a punchline.

It’s not as gritty as Die goldene Pest, that’s for sure. It’s light, breezy, and mostly forgettable. But sometimes you just want to watch a guy fail at dating for an hour.

The Verdict

The movie gets noticeably better when it stops trying to be a romantic comedy and just becomes a weird character study of a grumpy bachelor. The ending? It just... happens. No big fireworks. No grand epiphany.

Just César, still being César, but with slightly less hair. It’s an odd little relic. Worth it if you’re bored on a Tuesday, I guess. 🤷‍♂️