Love Bound (1932) - A wonderfully goofy, cheap cruise ship romance

So, is Love Bound actually worth watching today? If you love dusty old 1930s talkies with creaky ship sets and actors who talk like they have marbles in their mouths, then absolutely.

But if you need fast action or clean editing, you will probably hate this within ten minutes. 🚢

The whole setup is hilariously fast. Within the first five minutes, Natalie Moorhead’s character has already won a massive court case against a rich married guy.

It is supposed to be this huge, dramatic scandal. But the courtroom looks exactly like a converted broom closet.

Then the son, played by Jack Mulhall, decides he is going to save the family honor. His big plan is to hop on a cruise ship, pretend to be a wealthy playboy, and bait her into blackmailing him too.

It is incredibly dumb. But hey, that is why we love this era of movies.

I kept thinking about The Rage of Paris while watching this. That movie does the whole "scamming for love" thing with way more energy, while Love Bound is much more clumsy.

But the clumsiness is honestly why I kind of liked it.

The ocean liner set is a total trip. You can tell they had about three rooms and just kept changing the lamps to make it look like different parts of the ship.

There is this one scene on the deck where the wind is supposedly blowing. Only one woman's hat is moving, though.

The guy standing next to her looks like he is in a completely different weather zone. It is hilarious to watch if you pay attention to the corners of the screen.

And Jack Mulhall has this grin that is supposed to be charming but comes off a little bit greasy. He spends a lot of time leaning against ship railings and looking smug.

But then something weird happens. The movie actually gets kind of sweet?

Natalie Moorhead, who plays the gold digger, starts to actually fall for him. Her face softens up, and you realize she is not just a cartoon villain.

It is like the movie forgot it was supposed to be a cynical thriller and decided to be a soft romance instead. I love when old films just change their minds halfway through.

There is this butler character, played by Sidney Bracey, who keeps popping up to offer drinks at the worst times. He has this deadpan face that made me laugh out loud twice.

One time he just stares at the camera for a second too long after being yelled at. I swear the actor was just thinking about what he wanted for lunch.

It reminds me of those weird little pacing hiccups in Nancy from Nowhere, where you can feel the director just forgot to yell cut.

The ending is incredibly rushed, like they ran out of film and had to wrap everything up in two minutes flat. Everyone just forgives everyone, and boom, roll credits.

It is not a masterpiece, not by a long shot. But if you want a cozy, weirdly comforting hour of black-and-white nonsense, it does the trick.

Didja notice?

• The obviously painted backdrop of the ocean that does not move at all.
• The way the characters drink tea like they are holding live grenades.
• That one guy in the background who literally walks back and forth across the deck three times in the same scene.