Piernas de seda: Stockings, Spite, and a Whole Lot of Confusion

Is this worth your time?

Honestly, only if you have a massive soft spot for black-and-white comedies where people run around in trains and hotel lobbies just to prove a point about hosiery. It’s light, it’s fluff, and if you’re looking for something heavy, you’re definitely going to hate it. It’s basically The Love Mart but with way less drama and way more people arguing over sales quotas.

The plot is a total mess of 'he-said-she-said' and fake identities. Frank Alton gets fired and decides to be the best stocking salesman alive, which feels like a weird hill to die on. Then the boss's daughter, Lolita, jumps in to prove women can do the job too. It’s got that Up in the Air energy, where everyone is just frantic for no real reason other than the script demands it.

I found myself staring at the background extras in the restaurant scene. Half of them aren’t even eating; they’re just moving their forks around in a rhythm that feels like they were told to 'look busy' by a director who was already thinking about his lunch. It’s oddly hypnotic.

There is this moment on the train that goes on way too long. Frank tries to pull a prank by dressing as a porter, and the whole sequence just drags. You can almost feel the movie begging you to find it clever, but it’s mostly just loud and confusing.

• The 'Follow me -- I won't run' button slogan is genuinely one of the most awkward marketing ideas ever put to film.
• The sabotage at the stocking show? Pure soap opera energy.
• The way Frank hits the father is so abrupt it feels like the movie skipped a frame.

If you've seen No Funny Business, you know that charm can carry a weak plot pretty far. Piernas de seda doesn't quite have that same spark, but it’s not trying to change the world either. It just wants to get to the wedding scene as fast as humanly possible.

It’s a bit like watching a long, drawn-out commercial for pantyhose that accidentally turned into a movie. Weird, but I've sat through worse. 🤷‍♂️