Pori (1936) Review: A weird, slow time capsule of a movie

So, is Pori worth your time today? Probably not unless you’re a history nerd or someone who collects old travelogues like they're rare stamps.

If you want a fast-paced adventure or something with a real plot, you’re gonna hate this. It moves at the speed of a tired turtle 🐢.

But if you like looking at how people saw the world 90 years ago, it’s kind of a trip. Just don't expect to feel great after watching it.

The movie is basically a bunch of German guys in very clean hats wandering around East Africa. You’ve got Gösta Nordhaus and Herbert Kluge looking like they’re trying very hard to look important while standing near a bush.

There’s no real story here. It’s just one shot of a giraffe after another, followed by some hunting scenes that made me feel a bit sick 🤢.

The way they filmed the animals is actually pretty impressive for 1936. No CGI, obviously—just a guy with a heavy camera hoping a rhino doesn't charge him.

There’s this one scene where a lion is just staring at the lens. It’s actually creepy how still it stays.

But then you get to the parts with the local people. Yikes.

It’s very much a product of its time, and by that, I mean it’s pretty colonial and condescending. The explorers act like they’re discovering the moon, even though people have lived there forever.

It reminds me a little bit of the vibe in The Porters, but with way more lions and less of a point. You can almost feel the heat coming off the screen, which is probably the only thing the director, A.P. von Gontard, really got right.

The grass looks so dry it feels like the film reel might catch fire. Pori means 'bush' or 'wilderness,' and yeah, there is plenty of that.

Sometimes the camera lingers on a sunset for so long I thought the projector had stuck. It’s not exactly the thrill-ride of something like The Silent Flyer.

I found myself wondering what the crew ate out there. They all look so... stiff.

Every time a tribal dance starts, you can tell the director told them exactly where to stand. It feels staged and weirdly formal, like a school play that no one wants to be in.

If you’ve seen The Man on the Box, you know how old movies can be charmingly clunky. This isn't really charming, though—it’s more like looking at a very old, very dusty museum exhibit that smells like mothballs.

The sound is also pretty rough. Lots of crackling and popping that makes the animals sound like they’re walking on potato chips.

I guess if you’re into the history of German cinema, you have to watch it eventually. But for a Friday night? Skip it.

It’s a movie that really, really wants you to think it’s grand and majestic. Most of the time, it’s just a bunch of guys in khaki shorts looking at things.

There is a weirdly long sequence involving a water hole. I think I counted five different types of antelopes before I started checking my watch.

The pacing is just... non-existent. It’s less of a movie and more of a slideshow that someone forgot to turn off.

Maybe its just me, but I prefer my movies to have a bit more life in them. Even the zebras in this look like they’re waiting for the director to say 'cut.'

It’s an okay look at the past, but mind you, that doesn't mean it's actually fun to sit through. It’s mostly just there.

Didja notice?

• The way the explorers never seem to sweat, even in the sun?
• The extremely dramatic music that plays when literally nothing is happening.
• That one guy who keeps adjusting his binoculars but never seems to see anything.
• The film grain gets really thick during the leopard scene, like it was filmed through a screen door.

Overall, Pori is a relic. It belongs in a vault, maybe under a heavy rug.