South of Panama: A Real Head-Scratcher 🤪

Alright, so, South of Panama. Is it worth watching today? Honestly, probably not for most folks. If you’re a serious B-movie historian or just have a high tolerance for films where the story feels like it was sketched on a napkin, you might find some weird enjoyment. Anyone looking for a tight plot or compelling characters? Yeah, you’ll probably hate it. Just saying.

The whole setup is pretty straightforward on paper: a "dim-witted American" gets caught up with arms dealers. But the execution, oh boy. Our main guy, played by Joseph Burke, is less dim-witted and more like he just wandered onto the wrong set. He spends a lot of the movie looking vaguely confused, which, honestly, felt pretty relatable.

The arms dealers themselves are a motley crew. They don't exactly exude menace. More like a bunch of dudes who vaguely know what they’re doing, but not really. There’s a scene where they’re haggling over something – I think it was guns? – and it felt less like a dangerous transaction and more like a yard sale where no one really wants to be there.

Marie Messinger is in this, and she’s supposed to be the femme fatale sort, I guess. Her dialogue felt a bit… stiff. Like she’s reading it off cue cards that are slightly too far away. Still, she’s got a presence, even if the script doesn’t quite know what to do with it.

One specific moment sticks with me: a chase scene that involves a lot of dusty roads and cars that don’t seem to be going very fast. It’s supposed to be tense, but it just looks like everyone’s trying not to break the vehicle. You can almost feel the production assistant yelling “Careful with that!” off-screen. 😂

The pacing is a bit all over the place. Sometimes things just happen, like a sudden fistfight that comes out of nowhere and ends just as abruptly. Other times, the camera just lingers on someone staring off into space, and you’re left wondering if they forgot to yell “Cut!”

And the South America setting? Mostly implied through some establishing shots that look suspiciously like stock footage and a few palm trees. It doesn't really feel *South American*. It feels like a sunny backlot somewhere.

There's a character named Carlton S. King, who plays… well, I'm not entirely sure *what* his role was beyond looking stern and occasionally shouting orders that no one seems to follow. He just kinda pops up. His motivations are a mystery, even to himself, I suspect.

The whole thing has this very low-stakes feel, despite the supposed danger of arms dealing. No one ever seems truly threatened. It’s more like a slight inconvenience. Like they lost their car keys, but with guns. 🔫

I guess if you’re into the idea of a movie where the main character is just *along for the ride* and the villains are more bumbling than bad, this might tickle a specific niche. It’s a curiosity, for sure. But don’t expect a masterpiece. Or even, you know, a particularly coherent story.