Watching 100-year-old cricket is weirder than I thought: The Ashes Review

If you have a whole afternoon to kill and a weird obsession with itchy-looking wool sweaters, you might actually like this. Most people under the age of eighty will probably find The Ashes footage incredibly boring, though. 🏏

It’s not a movie with a script, but watching the old broadcasts from 1930 and 1938 feels like spying on a different planet. You should watch it if you like history or if you want to see what people did before the internet existed.

If you need fast cuts and explosions, stay far away. This is the definition of slow cinema, even if it wasn't meant to be cinema at all.

I started watching this because I was curious about the first live TV coverage in 1938. The camera just kind of sits there, staring at the pitch like a tired spectator. It doesn't move much.

There is something really haunting about the grain on the film. It reminds me a bit of the look in Arsenal, where everything feels heavy and slightly dirty. But here, everyone is wearing white.

The players look like ghosts moving through a fog of static. Don Bradman shows up and he just looks like a regular guy, but he hits the ball like he’s playing a different game than everyone else.

I noticed that nobody seems to be in a rush. Ever. The walk from the pavilion to the pitch takes about five years. It’s amazing.

In the 1938 footage, you can see the crowd and everyone is wearing a hat. Every single person. It’s like there was a law that you couldn't show your hair in public back then.

The way they stand is so formal. Even when they’re sweating and dying in the sun, they look like they’re waiting for a bus in London. Very polite.

The lack of a scoreboard on the screen is the most confusing part. You just have to guess what’s happening based on the tiny movements of the players. It’s a lot of work for the viewer.

I found myself staring at the grass more than the ball. The grass looks patchy and weirdly dark on the old film stock. It doesn't look like the perfect green carpets we see on TV today.

Sometimes the camera zooms in by accident and you get a blurry shot of a guy's shoulder. It feels very human and messy. I like that part the best.

It’s a bit like watching The Artist but without the cute dog or the intentional style. This is just how life looked through a lens in the thirties.

There is a specific moment in the 1930 footage where a player misses the ball and just sort of stares at the ground for a second. You can feel his disappointment even through the horrible image quality. It’s a very relatable moment.

The announcers have these voices that sound like they are talking through a tin can filled with gravel. It’s very soothing in a weird way. I almost fell asleep twice, but in a good way.

Why does this matter?

• It’s the first time people could see the game without being there.
• The baggy trousers are truly a fashion disaster that needs to be studied.
• You get to see the actual Bodyline era vibes, which was basically just guys trying to hit each other with a hard ball.
• It makes modern sports look like a giant video game in comparison.

I think the most interesting thing is how quiet it feels. Even with the crowd noise, there is this underlying silence. It feels much more lonely than a modern stadium.

One shot lingers on a guy eating a sandwich in the stands for way too long. He doesn't even know he's being filmed. 🥪

He just looks happy to be there, chewing slowly. That guy is probably long gone now, but his sandwich lunch is preserved forever in this flickering black and white world.

The 1938 series was when Len Hutton scored 364 runs. Watching him do it is exhausting. He just keeps hitting the ball and running. Over and over.

The bowlers look like they are working in a factory. They just keep coming in, ball after ball, with no expression on their faces. Pure mechanical effort.

If you watch this right after something like Mama's Baby Boy, the contrast in how people moved back then is wild. Everyone in the cricket footage is so stiff and controlled.

It’s not “good” in a traditional sense. The editing is non-existent. The sound is mostly static and wind.

But it’s real. It’s a record of a time when the world was smaller and slower. I dig it.

I wouldn't recommend it for a date night. Unless your date is a history professor who likes crickettt. (Yes, I spelled that with three t's because that's how long the matches feel).

It’s funny how we think we’ve changed so much. But the guys in 1930 are doing the exact same thing guys are doing today. Just with worse shoes and much better hats.

"The Ashes is less of a trophy and more of a ghost that haunts two countries every few years."

That quote isn't from the movie, I just thought of it while watching a guy trip over his own feet in the outfield. It was the most honest moment in the whole thing.

Anyway, it’s worth a look if you want to zone out and imagine you’re sitting in a wooden stand in 1938. Just bring your own hat.

Didja notice?

• The way the umpires look like they are judging a very serious court case.
• The total lack of advertising on the walls. It's so clean!
• One guy in the crowd is definitely asleep by the third hour.
• The weird little hop some of the bowlers do before they throw.
• How the film sometimes jumps and skips like it’s hiccuping.

It’s a bit of a mess, but it’s our mess. A beautiful, grainy, boring mess. 🏏