The Boudoir Diplomat is a weird, clunky 1930s mess (and I kind of liked it)

Is this worth your time?

Look, I’ll be honest right away. The Boudoir Diplomat is the kind of movie you watch because you’ve already seen all the big-name classics and now you’re digging through the attic of cinema history.

If you enjoy early talkies where everyone sounds like they are shouting at a hidden flower vase, you’ll probably find this charming. People who want fast-paced humor or actual logic should probably stay away. 🛑

It is definitely for the crowd that likes pre-code cheekiness. If you’re looking for a serious thriller, go watch Shadows of Suspicion instead.

The whole thing is about Baron Vallee, played by Ian Keith. He has a mustache that looks like it was drawn on with a very expensive piece of charcoal.

He is a diplomat, but we never see him doing any paperwork or stopping any wars. Mostly, he just stands in fancy rooms and tries to convince women that he is the most interesting man in the world.

There is a scene early on where he is talking to his friend, and the way they stand is so stiff. It’s like they are afraid if they move too fast, the microphones will explode.

The plot kicks off because he is trying to juggle three different women. One of them is the wife of his boss, which is a bold career move if nothing else.

I kept waiting for someone to actually get angry, but in this movie, people just sort of pout and say things like "Oh, you scoundrel!" It’s very polite for a movie about cheating.

One thing that really stuck out to me was the sound quality. You can hear the hum of the cameras in the background sometimes, and it makes the whole thing feel like a home movie from a very rich, very messy family.

Mary Duncan is in this too. She has these eyes that make it look like she knows exactly how ridiculous the script is.

She plays Mona, and every time she enters a room, the movie gets about 10% more interesting. She has this way of leaning against doors that feels very 1930s "femme fatale."

There is a lot of talk about a "secret treaty," but honestly, I forgot about the treaty about twenty minutes in. The movie forgot about it too, I think.

The sets are incredibly huge for no reason. Like, why is this guy's office the size of a basketball court? 🏀

It makes the actors look like tiny dolls wandering around a museum. It adds to the weird, dreamlike feeling of these early sound films.

I noticed that Ian Keith does this thing where he pauses for a long time before answering anyone. It’s supposed to be suave, but it makes him look like he’s trying to remember his next line.

The dialogue is full of these little gems that feel like they were translated from another language and then translated back. Not quite natural, but fun to listen to in a goofy way.

If you’ve seen Bright Lights, you know how these late 20s/early 30s movies can be a bit hit or miss with the pacing. This one is definitely a slow crawl.

The ending happens so fast it’s almost funny. It’s like the director realized they only had five minutes of film left and decided to just make everyone shake hands and go home.

It’s not a masterpiece, and it’s certainly not Crash (the old one, not the car one or the other car one). It’s just a weird little artifact.

I found myself wondering about the extras in the background. They all look so uncomfortable, like they were told not to breathe while the stars were talking.

One guy in a tuxedo in the back of a party scene literally doesn't move his head for three minutes. I think he might have been a cardboard cutout.

Random stuff I wrote down:

• The Baron’s hat is way too small for his head. 🎩
• Every time a phone rings, it sounds like a fire alarm.
• There is a lot of talk about "honor," but nobody actually has any.
• The way they smoke cigarettes is like a professional sport.
• I’m pretty sure one of the doors didn’t actually close all the way in a scene where it was supposed to be locked.

Is it better than One Million in Jewels? Maybe not. That one had a bit more energy. This is more of a sipping tea while people argue about kissing kind of movie.

Actually, the more I think about it, the more I appreciate how messy it is. Movies now are so polished and perfect, but here you can see the seams.

You can see where the actors are looking for their marks on the floor. You can see the heavy makeup that looks like white plaster under the lights.

It’s a bit like watching a high school play with a multi-million dollar budget from ninety years ago. 🏫

I don't think I’d watch it again, but I’m glad I saw it once. It’s a good reminder that people have always been obsessed with silly romances and goverment scandals.

If you have a Sunday afternoon with nothing to do and you want to feel like you’ve traveled back to 1930, give it a go. Just don't expect it to change your life or anything.

It’s just Ian Keith being a bit of a jerk and some ladies in nice dresses being confused about it. Sometimes that’s enough for a Tuesday night at home. 🌙