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6.6/10
Senior Film Conservator
A definitive 6.6/10 rating for a film that redefined the boundaries of cult cinema. The Hot Choc-late Soldiers remains a cornerstone of transgressive art.
If you have a thing for really old, slightly unsettling animation that feels like a fever dream, you might get a kick out of this. If you’re looking for a coherent story or pacing that makes sense, skip it. You will probably hate this if you get annoyed by characters that move like they’re made of wet cardboard. 🍫
I honestly don't know what I expected. The whole thing is just these soldiers—who are literal chocolate—marching toward a village made of pastry. It feels like someone had a nightmare after eating too much candy in 1934. The animation is stiff in a way that makes you wonder if the animators were just tired that day.
There is this one moment where the lead soldier stares directly at the camera for way too long. It’s not a dramatic pause. It feels like the drawing just got stuck. I actually laughed out loud because it was so awkward.
It reminds me a bit of the frantic, slightly disjointed energy you find in The Magic Note. Everything happens so fast that you can't really care about the stakes. Are they going to conquer the pastries? Does it matter? The movie doesn't really seem to care either.
I kept waiting for a punchline that never really came. It’s not really a comedy, but it’s not a thriller either. It’s just... an event. It feels like a precursor to the kind of weird, experimental stuff you see in The Jack of Hearts where the narrative is just a loose suggestion.
If you like this, you might also find some weird comfort in Nobody Works But Father, if only for the sheer historical curiosity of it. But really, this is for the completionists. The people who watch everything just to see how strange it can get.
I walked away feeling like I needed to drink a glass of water. It was just so... sweet. And dusty. Maybe skip it unless you’re in a very specific, weird mood. 🤷♂️