The Return of the Scarlet Pimpernel is charming, if a bit stiff

Is it worth your time?

If you like old-school adventure movies where everyone talks in refined accents and wears elaborate wigs, you'll probably have a good time. It’s light, it’s dramatic, and it doesn’t ask much of you. If you need grit or modern pacing, skip it. You will absolutely hate the way they rush through the secret identity stuff.

I caught The Return of the Scarlet Pimpernel on a rainy Tuesday, and honestly? It’s a bit of a relic. But it’s a shiny one.

The whole thing feels like a stage play that someone decided to film just to see if it would work. There’s a lot of standing around in fancy rooms, staring intently at maps, and whispering about the guillotine. It’s funny how they treat the French Revolution like a high-stakes game of hide-and-seek.

James Mason is in this, looking like he’s trying his hardest not to laugh at the ridiculousness of his own costume. He’s got that brooding thing down, even when he’s just standing in a doorway looking concerned.

The dialogue is so clipped it’s like they were paid by the word, or maybe they were trying to save time before the next set change. It reminded me a bit of the frantic energy in Playboy of Paris, though this one takes its capes way more seriously.

• The disguises are hilariously bad. You know it's him, I know it's him, but the guards? They're totally lost.
• The way they set up the guillotine scenes—it’s supposed to be scary, but it just looks like they’re waiting for a bus.
• The lighting is either pitch black or blindingly bright. There is no middle ground.

There’s a moment where a character hides in a cupboard that lasts for about three years. It’s not dramatic. It’s just long. I found myself checking my phone, which I really shouldn't do, but the pacing just stops dead.

It’s not as hollow as Women and Gold, but it definitely feels like it’s missing a little bit of soul. Still, you can tell they were trying to make something grand. It’s a weird, uneven little movie that somehow manages to stick the landing just because the actors seem to be having a blast.

Don't overthink the plot holes. If you look at them too long, the whole thing falls apart like a wet napkin. Just enjoy the capes and the accents. 🎭