Summary
In a masterclass of comedic futility, H.C. Witwer's "Columbia, the Gem, and the Ocean" plunges into the meticulously constructed yet instantly crumbling world of Joe Murphy, manager to the pugilistic sensation Kid Roberts. Murphy, convinced of his strategic genius, sequesters his charge on a secluded, ostensibly female-free millionaire's estate, a sanctuary designed to foster rigorous training and shield Roberts from the distracting siren calls of "vamps." His smug satisfaction, however, is a fleeting mirage, abruptly shattered by the dramatic, uninvited arrival of a woman, plummeting directly into the very swimming pool meant for serene training. Roberts, a paragon of chivalric impulse, naturally rescues her, initiating a chain of events that spirals into farcical chaos. The grateful damsel, later discovered in theatrical distress by Joe, confesses a manufactured dilemma: an agonizing indecision between the Kid's earnest affections and the possessive grip of a "big burly brute," her supposed fiancé. Joe, ever the well-meaning meddler, attempts a chivalrous intervention, offering passage home, only to incur the brute's wrath and a swift, public beating. This ignominious spectacle draws the Kid's protective ire, setting the stage for an impromptu showdown. Their magnanimous host, seizing the opportunity for spectacle, orchestrates a bizarre aquatic boxing match within his swimming pool, a liquid arena where fortunes are wagered and the tide, both literal and metaphorical, turns with each submerged blow. As the water level inexorably rises, transforming the contest into a neck-deep struggle, the Kid delivers a decisive, knockout punch, sending his adversary into the murky depths. The brute's subsequent reappearance, however, is not one of defeat, but of domestic revelation: he is discovered in the arms of the tearful "damsel," who, with a dismissive admission, reveals him to be her husband. This final, crushing betrayal, a tidal wave of disillusionment, sends both Kid and Joe, their illusions shattered and their pockets likely lighter, to the metaphorical and literal bottom of the pool, their carefully constructed world dissolving into the comedic abyss of a con perfectly executed.
Synopsis
Joe Murphy, Kid Roberts's genial manager, feels that he is sitting pretty because he has the Kid on a millionaire's estate where there are no women folk. Here, thinks Joe, the Kid will go right on training and I can enjoy myself without worrying about his getting mixed up with some vamp. His joy is short lived, however, as a female puts in an appearance by falling in the swimming pool. Of course the Kid saves her, and of course the girl is duly grateful. Later Joe finds her in tears and on inquiring the cause learns that the poor thing is distraught because she cannot decide whether she loves the Kid or a big burly brute who is with her and supposed to be her fiancé. Joe tries to comfort her and promises to pay her expenses back to her home in Buenos Ayres. The big brute finds him with the girl and promptly proceeds to administer a beating for butting in on his girl. The Kid sees the rumpus and is for giving the burly fellow a trimming on the spot. But their millionaire host happens along and persuades them to make a regular scrap of it and hold it in his swimming pool. In the water-ring they fight. The Kid getting the better of it at times and at times the worst. The millionaire has confidence in him and places huge sums on him to win. The tide rises slowly but surely and finally the participants are submerged to their necks. This makes matters quite difficult all through the fight, but finally the Kid knocks his opponent so hard that he goes down and for a long time no one can find him. He is found later, however, some distance from the ring. And in no other place than in the arms of the girl, who admits he is her husband, all of which causes the Kid and Joe to sink to the bottom of the pool.
