Broadway Melody of 1938: Too many people, one very tired horse

Is it worth your time?

If you love old-school tap dancing and don't mind a plot that feels like it was stapled together in the dark, absolutely. It's a goldmine for anyone who enjoys watching 1930s excess. If you need a cohesive story or characters who act like actual human beings, you’re going to be annoyed within the first twenty minutes.

Eleanor Powell is the only reason this thing stays upright. When she starts dancing, the rest of the movie just sort of melts away. It’s weird how much power she has over the frame. Every time she isn't on screen, you start checking your phone. Or your watch. Or the ceiling.

The whole bit with the horse is… well, it’s a choice. It feels like someone at the studio had a bet to see if they could make a horse a legitimate theatrical investor. It’s definitely not the most ridiculous thing I’ve seen, certainly not as grim as the vibe in The Monkey's Paw, but it’s still distracting.

Notes from the couch:

• There is a scene where a guy is singing to a horse. I think I stared at the wall for a full minute trying to process it.
• The pacing is a mess. It’s like a rollercoaster that keeps stopping to let people off for a snack break.
• The musical numbers are huge. Like, staggeringly huge. The stage space seems to expand depending on how many people are running around in top hats.
• Judy Garland shows up and just sort of steals the air out of the room for a second. It's funny how you can spot the star power even when they're barely given anything to do.

The movie gets noticeably better once it stops trying to explain the finances of Broadway. Nobody cares about the budget! We want to see the fancy shoes move fast! There’s this one sequence where the tapping is so loud and aggressive I actually felt my own feet getting tired.

It’s a bit like watching Big Business in terms of sheer chaotic energy, but with more sequins and significantly less slapstick. The transition between the comedy bits and the "serious" drama is pretty much non-existent. One minute they’re crying about money, the next they’re doing a chorus line. It’s jarring, but I kind of liked it? It felt honest, in a weirdly broken way.

Don't look for logic here. Just wait for the music to kick in. The rest is just filler between the tapping.