Egypt, Kingdom of the Nile: A Dusty but Worthwhile Look

Look, if you are looking for a high-octane history lesson that skips the slow parts, you should probably stay away. Egypt, Kingdom of the Nile is exactly the kind of movie that feels like it was made to be played on a loop in a museum lobby. You will probably love this if you just want to zone out to nice drone shots of sand dunes and golden statues. If you have a short attention span, you will be checking your phone about twenty minutes in.

The pacing is… well, it is glacial. There are sequences where the camera just hovers over a wall carving for a full minute while a narrator talks about tax records. It’s weirdly hypnotic, though. I found myself staring at the texture of the stone, wondering how many people actually touched that wall back in the day. 🏜️

It definitely lacks the polish of a big-budget streaming series. Sometimes the color correction feels a bit off, like they were filming during the wrong time of day and tried to fix it in post. It reminds me a little of the vibe in His Holiness, the Late Pope Pius X, and the Vatican, where the subject matter is clearly the star and the filmmaking is just there to hold the microphone.

The Good Stuff

• The aerial shots of the river at sunset are actually gorgeous.
• No annoying CGI reenactments. Thank goodness.
• The narrator has one of those voices that could put a grizzly bear to sleep.

There is a segment about irrigation that honestly felt like it went on for an eternity. I get it, water is important for civilizations, but I think we spent more time on canals than on the actual pyramids. It’s the kind of documentary that isn't afraid to be boring, which is almost respectable in a world of quick-cut editing.

If you have seen Pagan Passions, you might appreciate the way this film handles its ancient themes, even if this is obviously much more grounded in reality. It is a bit dry, but sometimes you just need to learn about the Nile without a celebrity host yelling at you.

It is not a masterpiece. It is just a movie about old rocks and water. And honestly? That is enough for a rainy afternoon. 🏺