Expensive Women (1931) is kind of a weird goodbye for Dolores Costello

If you are looking for a fast-moving thriller, you should probably just skip this one.

Expensive Women is for the person who likes to sit in a dark room and imagine what it was like to wear a fur coat in 1931. It is for people who don't mind a movie that feels like it was filmed inside a very quiet library.

If you hate slow talkies where people stand perfectly still so the microphone can hear them, you will absolutely despise this.

I watched this because of Dolores Costello. She was the "Goddess of the Silent Screen" and this was her last big lead role before she went off to marry John Barrymore.

You can tell she is already half-way out the door. She looks incredible, don't get me wrong, but there is this stiffness to her performance that makes it feel like she is reading her shopping list in her head.

The plot is pretty thin. Constance (that is Dolores) is a rich girl with too many boyfriends.

One of them is played by Anthony Bushell, who has this very proper, clipped way of speaking. It makes him sound like he is trying to sell you a very expensive insurance policy.

Then there is Warren William. I love Warren William.

He shows up and suddenly the movie feels alive for about ten minutes. He has this way of looking at women that is both charming and a little bit predatory, which was basically his whole brand in the thirties.

The movie is directed by Hobart Henley. He was a silent film veteran, and you can really tell because he doesn't seem to know what to do with the camera now that it has to stay near a mic.

There are these long, awkward pauses between lines. It is like the actors are waiting for a signal that we can't see.

One scene at a dinner table goes on for what feels like an hour. You can hear the clink-clink-clink of the silverware and it is louder than the actual dialogue.

The sound recording back then was so hit or miss. At one point, a door closes and it sounds like a gunshot went off in the room.

I found myself staring at the background more than the actors. The Art Deco furniture is genuinely stunning.

I want that giant white telephone Constance uses. It looks like it weighs twenty pounds.

The whole thing feels a bit like What a Widow! but without the jokes. It is trying to be serious and sophisticated, but it just comes off as a bit dusty.

There is a lot of talk about "honor" and "reputation." It is the kind of stuff that felt very important in 1931 but feels like a foreign language today.

Constance is supposed to be this expensive woman, but the movie doesn't really show us why she is so special. She just kind of exists while men mope around her.

H.B. Warner is in this too. He plays her father and he is doing that very serious "fatherly" acting where he sighs a lot and looks disappointed.

I think he was disappointed in the script. I don't blame him.

The writers, including Raymond Griffith, were trying to capture that Pre-Code edge. You get hints of it—there is some drinking and some talk about living life on your own terms.

But it never quite gets there. It’s too polite.

If you’ve seen something like My Madonna, you know how these melodramas can sometimes go off the rails in a fun way. This one stays firmly on the tracks.

Actually, it feels like the train has run out of coal. It just rolls to a stop at the end.

There is one part where a character is supposed to be crying, but it looks like they are just having a very mild headache. The camera lingers on her face for way too long.

It gets really awkward. You start counting the seconds until they finally cut away.

I did notice a young Bill Elliott in a tiny role. That was a fun little "hey, I know him" moment.

The movie is only about 70 minutes long but it feels longer. Not in a bad way, necessarily, but in a "I have been sitting here a while" way.

It is a shame this was Costello's big exit from the studio. She was such a massive star and this feels like a footnote.

She did come back years later, but the magic was sort of gone. You can see the ghost of her silent film charm here, but it's buried under all that early sound technology.

Is it a bad movie? No. It is just... fine.

It is a museum piece. You look at it, you appreciate the costumes, and then you go back to your life.

I wouldn't go out of my way to find it unless you are a completionist. But if it pops up on a late-night broadcast, the fashion alone is worth the electricity bill. 🍸

Things I noticed while eating my snacks:

• The hats in this movie are aggressive. One of them looks like a literal bird is trying to nest on her ear.
• Why does everyone hold their cigarettes like they are afraid of them?
• The way they transition between scenes is so clunky it made me laugh once.
• Warren William's mustache deserves its own billing in the credits.
• There is a lot of talk about money, but we never see anyone actually do any work. Must be nice.

It reminds me a bit of The Plow Girl in how it handles its lead actress, even though the setting is totally different. It is all about the look of the star.

Overall, it’s a bit of a snoozer. But a pretty snoozer.