Her Golden Calf (1930) Review - A Lot of Legs and Early Talkie Weirdness

If you have about an hour to kill and you don't mind the crackly sound of a movie made in 1930, you might actually like this one. It is definitely for people who enjoy seeing how movies used to work before they got all slick and perfect.

If you hate old-timey musical numbers or guys doing fake Swedish accents, you should probably stay far away. It is not a masterpiece, but it has this weird, clunky charm that I kind of dug.

The Girl Behind the Desk

So, we have Marybelle Cobb. She is played by Sue Carol, and the movie tries really hard to convince us she is plain and ugly at the start.

She wears these big glasses and a boring dress. It is that classic trope where a girl is considered 'hideous' just because she has a job and doesn't wear a swimsuit to work.

She is the secretary for Philip Homer. He is an artist who draws 'the perfect girl' for advertisements.

Philip is played by Jack Mulhall. He spends most of the first twenty minutes looking right past Marybelle like she is a piece of office furniture.

It is actually kind of annoying how much he ignores her. You just want to shake him and say, 'Hey, she is right there!'

The whole movie is basically about Marybelle realizing that if she wants the guy, she has to turn into the 'Golden Calf' he’s always drawing. In this movie, 'Golden Calf' is just code for really nice legs.

The Makeover and the Legs

There is a scene where she finally decides to change her look. It is not like a modern makeover montage with pop music.

It feels a bit more desperate. She gets the short skirt, she loses the glasses, and suddenly Philip is acting like he’s never seen a woman before.

The movie is obsessed with legs. Like, really obsessed.

There are these musical numbers that just stop the plot cold. One of them is just a bunch of girls showing off their legs in different stockings.

It reminded me a little bit of A Perfect 36 because of how much it focuses on physical 'perfection' as a plot point. But this one feels a bit more like a stage play that someone accidentally filmed.

The dancing is okay, I guess. It’s that very stiff, early 1930s style where everyone moves in a straight line and hopes they don't trip over the microphone cables hidden in the plants.

El Brendel and the Humor

Now, we have to talk about El Brendel. He plays the comic relief, and he does this 'Yumpin Yiminy' Swedish character that was apparently hilarious back then.

To be honest, it’s a bit much. He has this way of stretching out words that makes the scenes feel way longer than they actually are.

There is a bit where he’s trying to be funny in a photo studio, and I found myself looking at the background actors instead. Some of the extras in the back look like they are wondering when lunch break is.

I did like Marjorie White, though. she has this high-energy vibe that actually wakes the movie up whenever she’s on screen.

She feels much more 'modern' than the rest of the cast. Like she actually knows she's in a movie and is having a blast with it.

Wait, what happened to the plot?

The middle of the movie kind of wanders off. It’s like the writers forgot about the romance and decided they wanted to be a vaudeville show for a while.

You get these songs that don't really move the story forward. One song starts, and you think, 'Okay, this is the end of the scene,' but then it just keeps going.

The sound quality makes it hard to hear the lyrics sometimes. It’s all hissy and thin.

But there is something sweet about how simple it all is. No one is trying to be deep or dark.

It’s just about a girl who wants a guy to notice her. It’s a lot like Mother Knows Best in that way—just simple, old-fashioned goals.

A Few Random Things I Noticed

• The hats in this movie are huge. I don't know how they kept them on their heads without falling over.
• There is a scene in an office where the lighting is so bright everyone looks like a ghost.
• Jack Mulhall has this very specific way of holding a cigarette that makes him look like he’s posing for a statue.
• The ending happens so fast. They basically just decide to be together and the movie stops.
• I’m pretty sure one of the dancers in the big number almost loses her shoe, but she keeps going like a pro.

"I don't want to be a secretary anymore. I want to be a girl!"

That line actually happens. It’s so silly but it fits the vibe perfectly.

Is it any good?

I don't know if 'good' is the right word. It’s interesting.

It is a time capsule. You see the transition from silent films to talkies right there on the screen.

The actors are still making these big, wide-eyed faces like they are trying to reach the back row of a theater. It’s charmingly awkward.

If you’re looking for a tight story with great acting, skip it. But if you want to see a bunch of 1930s people dancing around and obsessing over hosiery, you’ll have a decent time.

It’s messy. It’s loud. It’s got too many Swedish jokes. But I didn't hate it.