Join the Marines: A Bizarre Trip to Nowhere

Wait, what just happened?

Honestly, you probably shouldn't watch Join the Marines unless you're deep into those weird 1930s B-movies that feel like three different scripts glued together by someone in a hurry. If you like classic Hollywood cheese, you might find a bit of fun here, but anyone looking for a coherent story is going to be frustrated after about twenty minutes.

The movie starts with a cop leaving the NYPD for the Olympics. Then he's kicked off the team for falling for the wrong girl. Then he's a Marine. Then there’s a plague. Then there's a rebellion. It’s a lot.

The Logic Gap

The transition from New York City streets to a jungle island is one of the clunkiest things I've seen in a long time. One minute we are dealing with a romance involving a spoiled Colonel's daughter, and the next we are dodging bubonic plague bullets in a tropical forest.

The movie doesn't even try to smooth this over. It just sort of happens, and you’re expected to roll with it.

I couldn't help but think about Black Legion while watching this, mainly because both films feel like they have way too many ideas fighting for screen time. But at least Black Legion feels focused, whereas this feels like it was written on the back of a napkin during a lunch break.

Odd Moments

• The dialogue is stiff enough to break a window.
• The jungle set looks like someone threw a bunch of fake leaves into a sandbox.
• The plague plot point? It appears out of thin air and disappears just as fast.

There is a scene near the middle where the characters are just standing around, and the pacing is so slow you could probably go make a sandwich and not miss a single beat of the story. It really drags. So much.

It’s not a movie I’d recommend to anyone who actually cares about character arcs. You barely know these people before the movie shifts into its third or fourth genre change. It’s messy, it’s disjointed, and honestly? It’s kind of fascinating in a 'how did this get made' sort of way. 🎞️

If you're bored and want something that doesn't require a single brain cell, maybe give it a spin. Otherwise, you're not missing much.