Julieta Buys a Son is a very weird 1930s business deal

You should probably watch this if you like old black-and-white movies where people make absolutely insane life decisions over a glass of champagne. If you hate slow-moving 1930s dramas with logic gaps the size of a cruise ship, maybe skip it.

Julieta Albornoz is rich, and she knows it. On her wedding day, she finds out her fiancé Antonio is basically a gold-digging jerk who already has a kid with someone else. 🙄

She runs off to a cruise to clear her head. That’s where things get weird.

She’s pedaling an exercise bike on the deck—looking very determined, by the way—and meets Jack Aranda. They don't even trade names, just vibes.

Then there’s this whole subplot with Jack’s aunt, a duchess who’s broke. She pushes Jack to woo Julieta for the cash, which is exactly what Julieta was trying to avoid in the first place.

The Weirdest Pre-Nup in Cinema

Julieta is smart, though. She tricks them into thinking her friend Cecilia is the rich one at a masquerade ball just to see what happens.

But then she makes Jack a business proposition. She’ll pay him a huge sum to marry her, help her conceive a son, and then they get a divorce.

It’s basically a corporate merger but for a family. Jack agrees because he’s actually in love with her, but also because his family is totally broke.

The honeymoon in Biarritz is extremely cold. Julieta treats him like a hired contractor, which technically he is, but it's awkward to watch them eat dinner in silence.

• The exercise bike scene is strangely long.
• The aunt is a total mood, even if she's a bit of a villain.
• The car crash looks like it was filmed with toys, but it gets the job done.

There’s a car crash later on. They end up in the same bed to recover, which is the movie's way of forcing them to actually talk to each other without the contracts involved.

When the baby finally arrives, it’s a girl. Julieta tries to fire him and gives him the check, but Jack finds a hilarious loophole.

He says the contract was for a son, so since she had a daughter, he has to stay until he delivers on the original promise. It’s a pretty bold move for a romantic lead, honestly.

It reminds me a bit of the vibe in Nada más que una mujer, but with more legal paperwork and less singing. Or maybe a bit like the tension in The Devil's Double if you squint really hard at the identity swapping.

The acting is a bit stiff at times. Gilbert Roland is charming, but you can tell he's working hard to make the 'contract' plot sound romantic instead of slightly creepy.

One reaction shot of the aunt during the ball lingers so long it becomes funny. You can almost see her counting the money in her head while she smiles.

The ending is sweet, I guess. She finally finds a guy who isn't just looking at her purse, even though he literally signed a paper to get paid at the start.

It's not a masterpiece, but it's interesting. Sometimes it's nice to watch a movie where the problems are solved by just being extremely rich and stubborn. 🚢