Parlor, Bedroom and Bath: Buster Keaton tries to talk and it is... okay?

You should probably watch this if you really love Buster Keaton and want to see every single thing he ever did. If you are looking for those amazing stunts where a house falls on him, you are going to be disappointed. It's mostly for people who like old-fashioned stage plays where people run in and out of doors and yell a lot.

It is definitely not for anyone who hates loud, screeching 1930s dialogue. If you want a masterpiece, go watch his older silent stuff instead.

So, the movie starts and you immediately notice how loud it is. Buster is playing Reggie, and he is just so awkward. He can't even drive a car right, which is funny because we know the real Buster could do anything with a machine.

He gets stuck in this house with a bunch of people who are obsessed with marriage. The plot is kind of thin. It is based on a play, and you can really tell because they barely leave the rooms.

The Great Lover Routine

The whole middle of the movie is just Reggie trying to act like a "Casanova." He wears these fancy clothes that look slightly too big for him. It is kind of sad to see him trying to fit into this MGM mold.

There is this one lady, Polly, played by Charlotte Greenwood. She is honestly the best part of the whole thing. She is so tall and her legs seem to go on forever.

They have this scene where they are doing "exercises" on the floor. It is the only time the movie feels like a real Buster Keaton film. He is folding his body in weird ways and she is kicking her legs over her head. That part actually made me laugh out loud.

But then they go back to talking. And talking. And talking.

It’s not quite as heavy as something like The Sign of the Cross, but it feels long anyway. The script is full of these old-timey jokes that don't always land. You can tell the writers were still figuring out how to make sound movies funny.

One thing I noticed was the sound quality. Sometimes the actors sound like they are shouting at a flower pot across the room. I guess that's where the microphones were hidden back then.

Reggie is supposed to be this shy guy, but the movie makes him seem almost too pathetic at the start. It makes it hard to believe anyone would think he’s a great lover, even as a prank.

The pacing is very jumpy. One second they are in a car, the next they are in a parlor, and I missed how they got there. It’s a bit like the frantic energy in Boneyard Blues but with more furniture.

I kept waiting for a big chase scene. Usually, Buster ends his movies with a huge explosion or a train or something. Here, we just get a lot of people hiding under beds.

It feels a bit like Alias Jimmy Valentine in the way it struggles to find its balance between drama and jokes.

Some Weird Small Details

Did anyone else notice the wallpaper in the bedroom? It is incredibly busy. It actually gave me a bit of a headache just looking at it while the characters were arguing.

And the way Buster drinks water in one scene. He does this little gulp that is so perfectly timed. Small moments like that remind you he was a genius, even if the movie around him is just okay.

The supporting cast is... fine? Reginald Denny is the guy who starts the whole mess. He talks very fast and has that 1930s mustache that looks like it was drawn on with a pencil.

There’s also a lot of slamming doors. If you made a drinking game out of every time a door slammed, you would be on the floor in twenty minutes. 🍺

It’s a very crowded movie. Sometimes there are five people in a tiny room all talking at once. It makes you feel a little claustrophobic after a while.

I wonder if people back in 1931 thought this was high art. Probably not. It feels like the kind of movie you watch on a rainy Tuesday when there is nothing else on.

The ending is very abrupt. It just kind of... stops. Everyone gets what they want, I guess?

I didn't really care about the sister-in-law getting married, to be honest. She was kind of a boring character. I just wanted more of Charlotte Greenwood kicking things.

If you compare it to The Smiling Madame Beudet, this is way less artistic. But it’s not trying to be art. It’s trying to be a paycheck for a studio that didn't know how to use their biggest star.

Buster looks a little tired in his eyes. Not the "deadpan" look, but actually tired. You can feel him wishing he could just go out and film a scene with a boat or a waterfall.

Overall, it is a weird relic. It’s not a total disaster, but it’s not a classic. It’s just Parlor, Bedroom and Bath. It’s exactly what the title says and nothing more.

I’d say give it a look if you’re bored. Just don't expect it to change your life.

Also, the bells. So many bells ringing in this house. Why did everyone in the 30s have so many bells?