Story Conference (1934) is a loud, weird, and messy little time capsule

Is this worth watching today? Yes, but only if you have about 20 minutes and an interest in how weirdly Hollywood used to talk about itself. It is a great pick for anyone who loves those old Vitaphone shorts where everyone seems to be vibrating with caffeine. If you want a deep plot or high-stakes drama, you will absolutely hate this.

The whole thing is just studio executives in a smoky room. They are trying to figure out what the audience wants, which apparently involves a lot of shouting and people bursting into song. It’s funny because they talk about movies like they’re making sandwiches. It reminds me a bit of the frantic energy in Palmy Days, though maybe not as polished.

Lillian Roth shows up and she’s got that specific 1930s energy where she’s almost too much for the camera. She has this way of looking at the other actors like she’s about to tell a joke they aren't ready for. I honestly wish she was in more of the movie. The way she carries a tune while looking slightly bored with the executives is everything.

The music starts and the room just... transforms. It’s not subtle. One second they are talking about a script, and the next, there are people dancing on the furniture. The Sizzlers do a bit that is so fast I actually had to rewind it to see if they were actually hitting all those notes. They were.

There is this one guy, Bert Matthews, who just looks like he wandered in from a different movie. He has this very stiff way of standing while everyone else is swinging their arms around. It’s these little awkward moments that make these old shorts feel real to me. Like, they only had one day to film this and they just kept going no matter what happened.

The spoof of the "Honeymoon Hotel" number from Footlight Parade is the big draw here. If you haven't seen the original, some of the jokes might fly over your head. But even without the context, it's just bizarre. There are all these people in pajamas and the timing is just a little bit off, which makes it funnier than it probably should be.

I noticed one of the dancers in the back almost trips during the big group number. It’s at the bottom left of the screen about halfway through. Nobody stopped the take. I love that. You don't see that kind of thing in movies anymore where everything is cleaned up by a computer.

The Three Minutes are also in this, and they do exactly what their name suggests. They are fast. Maybe too fast? My ears were ringing a little bit by the time they finished their set. It's that high-pitched, brassy sound that 1934 seemed to love so much.

It’s weirdly similar to how we talk about movies now, actually. They keep saying they need a "hit" and a "gimmick." Some things never change, I guess. Even back then, they were worried that the public was getting bored. They should have just watched The Navigator if they wanted to see how to actually keep an audience happy.

The sets look like they are made of cardboard and hope. You can practically see the paint drying on the office walls. Story Conference isn't trying to be art, and that’s why it works. It’s just a bunch of people trying to be loud and entertaining for twenty minutes.

One of the executives has a mustache that looks like it was drawn on with a Sharpie. I spent about four minutes just staring at it instead of listening to the dialogue. I think his name was Eugene von Grona, but I might be wrong about that. He’s very intense for a movie about dancing hotels.

If you've seen stuff like The Emperor Jones, this is going to feel like a total 180-degree turn in terms of mood. It’s light. It’s airy. It’s kind of dumb in a way that makes you smile. It doesn't have the weight of something like Murder on the Roof, but it doesn't need it.

The ending is very abrupt. Like, they just ran out of film and decided to stop. One second they are all cheering and the next, the credits are rolling. It left me feeling a little bit dizzy, but in a good way? Like I just stepped off a merry-go-round that was going 5 miles per hour too fast.

Anyway, if you find it on a dusty corner of the internet or a late-night TCM broadcast, give it a look. It’s a mess, but it’s a fun mess. It’s a reminder that even in the middle of the Great Depression, people were still obsessed with making silly songs about hotels. 🏨✨

I’m still thinking about those pajamas. Why were they so shiny? No one’s pajamas are that shiny in real life. It’s those little details that stick with you after the songs fade out.