The Blue Ridgers Review: Dan Mayberry stares at a lot of rocks

I finally got around to watching The Blue Ridgers last night. If you are the type of person who loves hunting for lost bits of history, you might find something here.

Anyone else will probably fall asleep within ten minutes. It is a movie that moves at the speed of a tired turtle. 🐢

Dan Mayberry is the lead, and he spends a lot of time just standing on hills. He has this very intense stare that makes you think he is either deep in thought or trying to remember if he left the stove on.

The plot is one of those classic mountain dramas where everything feels life-or-death, even when they are just talking about sheep. It reminds me a bit of the vibe in Rose o' the River, but with less charm.

There is this one scene where a guy falls down a small ledge. The way he falls is so stiff, like he is a piece of cardboard. It actually made me laugh out loud because the dramatic music was trying so hard to make it scary.

The film stock is pretty beat up. You see these white scratches dancing across the screen the whole time. It makes the mountain scenery look like it is under attack by tiny ghosts. 👻

I noticed a dog in the background of one shot that looked way more interested in the camera than the actors were. It reminded me of the much better dog acting in When a Dog Loves.

The romance in this is... well, it’s not really there. They mostly just stand near each other and look at the floor. It is very polite and very, very boring.

I think the director forgot that we need to see people's faces sometimes. A lot of the shots are from so far away that everyone looks like ants in overalls. 🐜

If you want a silent film with actual energy, you are better off with Felix in the Swim. That cat has more personality in one tail flick than this whole cast.

There is a lot of walking. Like, so much walking. They walk up the hill, they walk down the hill, and then they stand around a bit. It’s like a hiking video but without the nice color.

The title cards are written in this fancy font that is actually kind of hard to read. I had to squint at the screen half the time. It made the experience feel more like a chore than a movie night.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of The Blue Ridgers (1929) through its definitive frames.

One of the villains has a mustache that looks like it was glued on five seconds before the camera started rolling. It wiggles every time he gets angry. It is the most entertaining part of the movie, honestly.

It lacks the punch of something like Fire and Steel. That one actually felt like things were happening. This just feels like people waiting for the weekend.

The lighting in the indoor scenes is really weird. Half the room is pitch black and the other half is glowing like the sun is inside the house. It makes everyone look like they are in a horror movie by accident.

I wonder if Dan Mayberry knew this movie would be so forgotten. He plays it very straight, which is almost sad to watch. He’s trying so hard to be a hero in a movie that is basically about nothing.

It’s not as funny as Sweet Daddies, even though it’s supposed to be a drama. The accidental comedy is the only thing that kept me going.

There’s a scene near the end where a character is supposed to be crying. But the film is so grainy you can't tell if they are crying or just have dirt in their eyes. It’s probably dirt.

If you really like seeing how people dressed in 1922, then sure, give it a go. The hats are genuinely impressive. Big, floppy things that probably caught a lot of wind.

But if you want a story that makes sense or keeps you awake, stay away. This is strictly for the people who like to dig through the bargain bin of history.

I’ve seen better stuff from this era, like The Wishing Ring Man. That one at least had some heart to it. This just feels like it was made on a Tuesday by people who wanted to go home.

The ending is very abrupt. It just... stops. No real big finale, just a title card saying they lived happily or whatever. It felt like the film ran out and they just said 'good enough'.

I’m glad I watched it just so I can say I did. But I’m never watching it again. My eyes need a break from the flickering.

Maybe next time I’ll pick something more lively like Love and Kisses. Anything has to be faster than this mountain trek.

Final thought: The mountains are pretty, but you can see better ones on a postcard. Dan Mayberry deserved a better script, or at least a better mustache to act against.