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5.2/10
Senior Film Conservator
A definitive 5.2/10 rating for a film that redefined the boundaries of cult cinema. The Three Musketeers remains a cornerstone of transgressive art.
If you go into this expecting swords, fancy hats, and French royalty, you are going to be very, very confused. This 1933 version of The Three Musketeers decides that the best place for a musketeer is actually the sandy, hot desert of the Foreign Legion. It’s the kind of logic that only makes sense if you stopped reading the book halfway through page one. If you want a serious adaptation, stay away. If you just want to see John Wayne punch guys in the desert for an hour, you’ll probably have a decent enough time.
The story is basically just a string of excuses for people to run around and shoot guns at each other. There is this bad guy, El Shaitan, who is never actually shown on screen, which is a real bold choice. It’s like they forgot to hire an actor for the villain or he just didn't show up to set. 🏜️
The actual plot is paper-thin, but the stunt work is wild. You can tell they were just throwing people off horses and hoping for the best. There is a moment where a character gets tossed around like a ragdoll that made me rewind the tape twice. It’s not graceful, but it’s definitely real.
Sometimes the movie just stops moving entirely while someone gives a speech that sounds like it was written on a napkin five minutes before filming. It lacks the charm of something like Min and Bill, but it has this weird, frantic energy that keeps it from being a total snooze. It reminded me a bit of the chaotic pacing in The Sky Spider, though this one is definitely dustier.
I found myself staring at the background extras more than the main characters. Half of them seem like they are just waiting for lunch break. It’s not a masterpiece, it’s not even a good movie, but it’s a weird relic of a time when studios just churned stuff out and prayed it would stick. Don't think about the plot. Just watch the hats fly off. 🤠
