Three on a Honeymoon (1934) Review - A Breezy Little Boat Ride

If you have seventy minutes to kill and love old black-and-white movies where everyone talks like they have somewhere better to be, Three on a Honeymoon is a fun little cruise. It is perfect for people who miss the simple days of silly studio comedies, but if you hate predictable plots where a girl gets tricked by her own dad, you should probably skip this one. 🚢

Most of the movie takes place on a giant boat, which is great because I absolutely love boat movies. Sally Eilers plays Joan, a rich girl whose dad is worried about fortune hunters.

So, the dad hires the ship's second officer—played by Johnny Mack Brown—to keep other guys away from her. Of course, the officer ends up falling for her himself, because that is how these movies work.

Johnny Mack Brown is incredibly handsome here, but he kind of acts like a polite tree. He just stands there looking broad-shouldered while Sally Eilers does all the heavy lifting.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of Three on a Honeymoon (1934) through its definitive frames.

She is really charming, though, and has this great, snappy way of delivering her lines. I also loved seeing ZaSu Pitts show up as a maid; she does her usual worried-hand-waving thing that always makes me laugh.

This isn't a heavy drama like Heat Lightning, which came out the same year. It is just a breezy, slightly goofy romance that feels like a warm blanket.

There is this one scene where a guy is trying to look suave by the ship's railing, but his hat looks like it is about to blow off in the wind. I literally couldn't stop staring at his hat, waiting for it to fly away. 🎩

Also, the background of the ocean looks so fake, it's basically just a gray sheet shaking behind the actors. But honestly, that is part of the charm of these 1930s quickies.

Cinematic perspective: Exploring the visual vocabulary of Three on a Honeymoon (1934) through its definitive frames.

The writing has about ten different people credited, which is crazy for a movie this short. You can sort of tell they kept changing their minds about the jokes, because some scenes are super witty and others just kind of... stop.

There is a weird subplot with a blackmailer that feels like it belonged in a different movie. It gets solved so fast you might miss it if you look down at your phone.

It is definitely not a masterpiece like some other old films, and it is way less artsy than something like Othello. But it doesn't try to be anything but a good time.

I watched this on a rainy Sunday afternoon with a cup of tea, and it was exactly what I needed. Nothing more, nothing less. ☕