Trois de la marine: A Dusty Musical That Still Has a Pulse

Honestly, you either want to watch Trois de la marine or you don’t. It’s not for the people who need a high-stakes thriller or some gritty, grounded drama. This is for the folks who want to watch three guys in sailor uniforms wander through 1934 France, singing and getting into trouble. If you hate old-fashioned stagey acting, just close the tab now.

The whole thing feels like a stage play that got lost on its way to a soundstage. Everything is very deliberate. You can tell exactly where the camera was planted, and nobody is going to move from that spot until the scene is absolutely done. It’s charming in a weird way, like watching a family home movie from a century ago.

There’s this one bit where the guys are just walking through a town square and the background extras are so clearly waiting for a cue. One guy in a hat is looking directly at the camera for a solid five seconds before realizing he should be doing something else. It’s delightful. Why edit that out? It makes the whole thing feel alive.

Does it hold up?

The songs are catchy enough, though they’re not going to change your life. Henri Alibert is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. He has this way of smiling that makes you wonder if he’s actually in on the joke or if he’s just happy to be getting paid. Maybe both. It reminded me a bit of the frantic energy in The New School Teacher, but with more salt spray and fewer chalkboards.

The pacing is a complete mess, but who cares? There are moments where the movie just stops for a musical number, and then it takes about two minutes to get back to the actual story. It’s not smooth, but it’s honest. It’s not trying to hide that it’s just a collection of scenes stuck together with song lyrics.

• The sailor uniforms look surprisingly crisp.
• Some of the dialogue is clearly improvised nonsense, and it’s better for it.
• The lighting in the cafe scene is weirdly bright, like they’re trying to bake the actors.
• The ending is abrupt. Like, really abrupt. The movie just decides it's finished.

If you liked the vibe of Congress Dances, you’ll probably find this comforting. It has that same sort of light, 1930s European sparkle that isn't really made anymore. It's not deep. It’s not profound. It’s just three guys on a boat—mostly on land—being goofy. ⚓️

Sometimes you just need a movie that doesn't take itself seriously for a single second. This is definitely that movie. Don't overthink it.