When London Sleeps: A train wreck of a movie, in a good way?

Is it worth your time?

If you like movies that feel like they were filmed in a damp basement in 1934, then maybe. It’s for the folks who get a kick out of crackly audio and guys in trench coats looking sternly at railway schedules. If you need modern pacing or anything resembling a budget, you’re going to hate this.

When London Sleeps is exactly what you’d expect from a British thriller of that vintage. It’s got that specific gloom, a lot of fog, and a plot that moves at the speed of a steam engine chugging up a steep hill. 🚂

The train crashes themselves? They are... well, they are miniatures. You can see the strings if you squint hard enough, or maybe just look at the screen for more than five seconds. It’s kind of endearing in a 'we tried our best with three pounds and a dream' sort of way.

I found myself zoning out during the police office scenes. There’s a lot of sitting around desks, which feels a bit like watching a less exciting version of The Marines Are Coming, only with more hats.

The pacing is honestly all over the place. Sometimes it feels like a race against time, and other times it feels like the characters are taking a tea break while the villain is busy derailing another locomotive. It reminded me a bit of the weird, stilted energy in Spooks, where you aren't quite sure if you're meant to be scared or just confused.

Odd little notes:

• The train whistles sound like they were recorded in a bathroom.
• I’m pretty sure one of the extras in the background of the station scene is just holding a newspaper and staring into the void for two straight minutes.
• The dialogue is very clipped. Lots of "I say!" and "Look here!"

Is it a classic? Definitely not. It doesn’t have the emotional punch of something like Martha, and it’s certainly not trying to be high art. It’s just a little slice of 1930s cheese.

There’s a moment near the end where the main villain gives a speech that goes on for about 40 seconds too long. You can literally see the actor trying to remember if he left the oven on at home. It’s beautiful.

Don't expect a masterpiece. Just expect a rainy afternoon, a black-and-white screen, and some guys in hats trying to save the London transit system. It’s not great, but it’s definitely something.