Sidewalks of New York (1931) - Buster Keaton vs. Loud Children

Is this worth your time?

Honestly? Only if you really, really love Buster Keaton and want to see everything he ever did. Completists only, probably.

If you're looking for the high-art stunts of his silent days, you are going to be severely disappointed. This is more like a loud, clunky sitcom from 1931.

People who like old-school 'East Side Kids' vibes might get a kick out of it. People who hate screeching children should stay far, far away. 🚫

Buster plays Harmon, who is basically a rich guy with no common sense. He finds out he's a slumlord, which is a weirdly dark starting point for a comedy.

He meets Margie (Anita Page) and immediately decides to 'fix' the neighborhood to impress her. It's that classic movie trope where a guy does social work just to get a date.

The neighborhood is full of these 'tough' kids who spend all their time yelling. I'm not kidding, the noise level in the first twenty minutes is genuinely stressful.

It feels like the director just told the kids to scream their lines as loud as possible. It reminds me a bit of the chaos in School Days, but with more punching.

There is this one scene where Buster tries to teach the kids how to box. It is probably the best part of the whole movie.

He gets into the ring and just gets absolutely demolished by a kid half his size. The physical comedy here is vintage Keaton, even if he looks a bit tired.

You can see him doing those little trips and falls that no one else can do quite right. It's a shame the rest of the movie doesn't have that same energy.

Most of the time, he's just standing around looking confused while the plot happens to him. It’s like the script didn’t know what to do with his silent persona in a world with microphones.

The romance with Anita Page feels... fine, I guess? She’s lovely, but there’s zero chemistry there.

She looks at him like he's a strange pet she found on the street. Which, to be fair, is how he's acting most of the time.

I found myself wondering if they used some of the same sets from The Soul of Broadway. Everything looks very 'studio backlot' New York.

The tenements are clearly made of plywood, and you can almost hear the echoes from the soundstage. It gives the whole thing a very theatrical, fake feeling.

There’s a subplot about a gang leader and a fire that feels like it belongs in a completely different movie. Suddenly we are in a high-stakes drama? It’s jarring.

One minute he's slipping on a banana peel, and the next, kids are almost dying in a burning building. The tonal shifts are like whiplash.

It’s not as balanced as something like Made in Heaven. It just feels messy.

I think MGM really struggled to figure out who Buster was supposed to be once he could talk. They turned him into this bumbling dimwit instead of the stoic hero we loved.

Stuff I noticed while watching:

• Buster’s hat in this movie is particularly stupid-looking. I think it’s supposed to be funny, but it just looks uncomfortable.
• The way the kids all talk at the exact same time makes it impossible to hear the dialogue.
• There is a really long shot of a door closing that feels like the editor fell asleep.
• Buster does a backflip at one point that reminds you he’s still an athlete.
• The ending is so abrupt I thought my file had cut off early. 🎬

If you've seen things like The Book Agent, you know how these early 30s comedies can be a bit 'hit or miss'. This one is mostly a miss with a few tiny hits.

I did like the part where he tries to wash his face and ends up soaking his entire suit. It's simple, dumb, and it actually made me laugh out loud.

But then the kids started screaming again and I had to turn the volume down. Why are they so loud? Seriously.

It’s a short movie, which is its saving grace. It doesn't overstay its welcome, even if the middle part drags a bit.

You can tell the writers were trying to cram in as many 'street' jokes as possible. Some of the slang feels like it was written by someone who has never actually been to New York.

It feels a bit like Draft 258 in how it tries to be 'of the people' but feels very manufactured. MGM was a factory, after all.

Overall, it’s a weird relic. It’s a talking Buster Keaton movie that doesn’t really want him to talk that much.

If you see it on a streaming service late at night, sure, give it a go. But don't go out of your way to find a physical copy or anything.

It’s just... okay. Not great, not terrible, just a bit of a loud mess. 🤷‍♂️

I wonder what he was thinking while filming this. He looks kinda bored in the scenes where he isn't falling down.

Maybe he was just thinking about his boat. I'd probably be thinking about my boat too if I had to deal with those kids all day.

Anyway, it's 70 minutes of your life you won't get back, but you get to see a legend do some boxing. That's something.